What is Love?

In the approach to Valentines Day I thought I would share some of my thoughts on LOVE.
It is one of the most powerful words in any language, LOVE, AMOR, CINTA, UPENDO, AMORE, LOVE can make or break a person.
LOVE inspires people to write books, music, poetry, scripts.

I write this post to try and understand the love in relationships primarily between lovers – 2 people co entwined in this thing we call LOVE.  “Crazy little thing called love” “Love hurts” “I will always love you”

The Corinthians have a very strong opinion on Love and I have heard and recited the reading at many a wedding in recent years

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres” These are beautiful words to hear if you are watching your loved friends or family members commit themselves to each other, but in the real day to day in actual married life/dating relationships I’m not so sure the words always prevail over reality or over knee jerk reactions and pent up emotions.
Love is easily angered – fired up by jealousy over such intense feelings for the one you love, passion, arguments all fuel to a fire that is the love of 2 passionately intertwined people.
Love makes people do crazy things – even resulting in the end of the life of another person or their own life – look at the tragic story of Romeo and Juliette and I rest my case
Is it possible to love as in romantically, passionately and truly love more than one person at once?

We do in our families we share our parental and sibling love out equally – not in every family but we are able to give love to more than one other person in that environment. So is it just the sex that complicates love between 2 cohabiting people?
If that’s the case how do we define and explain first loves? Teenage heartbreak – when so often sex isn’t a contributing factor at this point. Hormones flying around yes most definitely, that love is total infatuation and lust. We all remember our first loves and the pain of teenage heartbreak and yet so much of the energy,intensity, and reality of an adult relationship is missing at that point.

I have a special girlfriend who I love very much – I have known her over 16 years. She has been married for 20 years and having an affair for 19. Is it right to call it an affair after all of this time? She would admit to loving them both equally and not being able to live without one or the other. In my younger years I couldn’t understand this at all, being happily married and committed to one man for a long time it didn’t register with me as it wouldn’t with so many people, but as I have matured and grown in life experience and ended a marriage of my own and gone out into the world to “find myself” I have grown to understand her and appreciate her situation so much more.

I have thought a lot about it over the last 16 years, She is a lovely, genuine and loving person and they are a nice couple they have a wild and interesting sex life. She knew the other man before she married her husband, I wonder if she married the lover of the situation would still be the same. She would still be in love with them both and they both in love with her – the difference being they both believe they are the only ones who hold her heart. One day I hope she will share her story as I am fascinated by how it has caught her up for 20 years. People have affairs moments of madness – it happens it’s reality but something so consistent and so deeply routed has to be looked at differently.

In this new age of relationships we see people bringing a third person into the bedroom – to fulfil a husbands fantasy or to spice up a love life – modern liberated couples attending VIP sex parties but still being totally in love and committed to one another – hollywood couples with long term marriages and partnerships but having an “Open relationship”
I have become aware in my research that there are agencies that set up men with a mistress – wealthy men, happy with their family life and their wives but looking for something else and paying over the odds for it, sometimes a month salary, clothing and beauty allowance – is this just arrogance, egotism or a way to keep a marriage and family life intact?

Where is the line between loving your partner like you love your family and your friends if it isn’t related to sex? Is the act of Sex the sole difference in that type of love? Is sex the glue that keeps a couple together? Or is it a balance of being loved and sex?

In my quest to find myself in the last two years -perhaps even unleash the ability to Love myself I have experienced new types of Love, lust, infatuation, I have been told I LOVE YOU, and believed it only to learn that the person dishing out the powerful words clearly couldn’t have loved me, actions speak very much louder than words. That relates to one of my favourite songs of all time “More than words by Extreme”

“Saying I love you is not the words I want to hear from you

It’s not that I want you not to say it but if you only knew, how easy it would be to show me how you feel

More than words is all you have to do to make it real

Then you wouldn’t have to say that you love me, cause I’d already know”

Saying I love you….
Some people wait patiently and pin huge hopes on hearing those three words in a new relationship, who says it first? – when does that moment happen? when will it happen? Will he/she say it back? Once its been said and reciprocated it seemingly gives the new lovers the go ahead to say it safely in the knowledge that its a mutual love and it is expressed openly and often. Other people throw it around when they don’t mean it – or do they? because perhaps it means different things to different people? Humans grieve and suffer stress differently perhaps it’s just the fact that we all love differently and when you find someone who loves the same as you with the same level of intensity and expression you find your true love.

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