Friendships and Divorce – Did my friends divorce me?
This morning I sat a train station watching a set of two couples embrace. It reminded me of the wonderful opening and closing scenes of one of my favourite movies – Love Actually. These 4 people no doubt about to go away for a weekend together somewhere lovely, it made me smile and also feel a tiny bit of sadness. They have no doubt synched their diaries to get to this event, juggling work, children, weddings and other events over the passing months – well the ladies will have – the guys just turning up when they re told and reminded a week before of the upcoming trip.
It got me to thinking about friendships and divorce.
When you get divorced do you divorce your friends too?
Or do they decide to divorce you?
I used to be one of those couples in fact I was from the tender age of 21 right through to 32 part of a couple – planning weekends away, weekly dinners at each others houses or a meal out over a weekend. I thoroughly enjoyed those times and had extremely close relationships with a couple of sets of couples. Now I am divorced – that is seemingly over.
I chose to leave my husband
Not for anyone else but for myself to scratch a deep rooted inner itch of self development self sooting and ultimately finding my very lost self.
So what happened to my close friends one of which I had been friends with since college and before I even met my now ex husband? This friend is now married – I was heavily involved in her wedding at a time when my own marriage was falling apart – she has a child and one on the way – the perfect husband, home, family and circle of friends some of which I used to share with her – and I am genuinely truly delighted for her but is the difference in our lives now too much? – Shouldn’t a friendship be able to withstand that? Do I feel let down by her lack of presence in my life – a text to see how I am or is it too difficult for her to reach out to me? Is it me ? Do I find it hard to sit in her perfect situation as happy as I am for her because for so long we were headed in the same direction and now simply aren’t?
I have a handful of rock solid friends don’t get me wrong, I am blessed and grateful for each one of them who have been so supportive and many who have been truly truly wonderful and whom without I would never have managed to have got through the last 2 years but I’m still hurt and disappointed when I lose one – I work hard at my friendships and many of my friends I have had for 10 years plus.
I am at the age where many of my friends are getting married and having babies – yet I have walked away from that so suddenly we are polar opposites – Is that the problem?
When we become a divorcee do we just not fit into certain circles anymore? Or is it just to difficult for them to understand me and my decision and my new single life? Do I just accept what is and walk away? The longer I go without seeing or contacting them the harder it is – more time passes more things have happened in our now separate lives that we are each unaware of and catching up becomes almost too difficult.
It is seemingly true that when you go through a particularly tough time in your life you really do find out who your friends are – the real ones that are there no matter what and on reflection of feeling scarred by the loss of one or two I am reminded how many more wonderful sturdy and amazing sisters I have and my feelings and bonds with them have only intensified. So I send my sadness about it into the abyss and turn it into gratefulness and gratitude for the amazing and wonderful friends I have.